How Are You Lost, Father?

In the spirit of the finale of "Lost" — the television series that engages those who read their own lives into it and which will be viewable for those who care in less than 48 hours — WD offers two other inexplicable events that mean only what you see in them.

To begin, there are reports that Lindsay Lohan, the actress who celebrates the "dys" in dysfunction, has announced her father, Crazy Michael [Earlier: A Nnoying], arranged for her to lose her passport in Paris (the city, not equally bizarre celeb). As a result, a California judge is likely sending her to prison, unless she pulls a Polanski.

To end, Wisconsin Leslie (actually Shawn Leslie, 39) severed his connection to pops and grandpoppy in a rather violent manner. After driving their ashes around in his car for a couple years or more, he lost the car and his ancestors to the crusher. He parked the car behind a diner; went away for a bit; returned; and, despite some questions abotu who was allowed to do what to whom and how, he is now both orphan and grandorphan.

Of course, what to make of all of this and what was lost in the middle of these two stories is — like the unreality series — completely up to you.