Drink and Drank ... but Drunk (?)

Lost to the sands of time is the link between the ascension of Jesus &mash; this year on May 1, a date known annually for less ethereal celebrations — and the German fathers who until now have had a free pass to head to the fields with schnapps and beer and (eventually) return drunk as a Prussian skunk.

Be warned, German pops. Be wary. Things don't always end that well when the spirits begin flowing. There was the father who forgot his 6-month old in a shop. Oops.

And, most distressingly, there is Dolt Hall of Famer Islambek Baimukhambetov who tippled a bit too extremely and, in his liquid wisdom, decided that his teen boys should be circumcised. With sheep shears. To make real men of them. If not quite fathers.

** Childless French poet Charles Baudelaire, whose ex-priest father married his mom when he was 60 and she 26, offered a paean to drunkeness, but much seems not to involve alcohol ... for what that might be worth to a dad. **