No, Not That Way

From the land of oxymoron comes the dilemma of a father (or fathers) being part of something wonderful but within a tragic context.

News at the foreign desk includes the nationwide candle-lighting honoring Thai fathers as well as the king, who has let his own moral control of the country lapse as political parties battle for the favor of the country's military.

On the domestic front is the story of a son who discovered the love his father had for his grandfather. Sadly, he faced those feelings when he found his father's suicide note, which directed him to his granddad's frozen body stowed in the fridge.

Finally, we have the report from the business side of life of two sisters who may be following their father's footsteps and achieve their own real estate empire, albeit perhaps for only a short time as they sell it off. They await word on the final resolution of their 25-year legal struggle with their older brother, who claimed all rights to their father's estate — and real estate — upon his death in the 1950s.

Honor, love and footsteps. Wonderful themes of fatherhood that prove themselves not immune to being found in unfortunate circumstances.

Passing the Torch

A father's legacy rests heavily on the shoulders of his daughter; although in this case it appears the daughter's head rests lightly on the shoulder of a dad.

This week's objet d'eBay features daughter Caroline Kennedy and then-President John F. Kennedy chillaxing on their boat, the Honey Fitz (named for JFK grandpa and the clan's political progenitor, John Francis "Honey Fitz" Fitzgerald). For years Caroline has remained at a remove from the spotlight and seemed to avoid stepping over the line and into the family business. (Uncle Ted is the senator from Massachusetts; cousin Patrick is a Rhode Island congressman; cousin Kathleen is the former Maryland Lt. Gov ... and the only prominent Kennedy to support Sen. Clinton over Sen. Obama during the primaries ... and there are other Kennedys scattered elsewhere.)

However, at age 50, Caroline Kennedy seems prepared to stop battling the legacy of her father — slain by an assassin's bullet on Nov. 22, 1963, days before she turned 6 — and step even further into the limelight. She was a force for the presidential aspirations of Barack Obama and has now offered more than a passing interest in being nominated to the New York senate seat being given up by Hillary Clinton. Her father served seven years in the Senate (1953-1960), beginning at age 36, in a seat many said Caroline's grandpa, bootlegger and political kingmaker Joseph Patrick, bought for him.

If Caroline does take a senate desk years after her father it will involve no money passing hands, only the passing of the baton from father to child ... and the child finally being willing to take the handoff.

Mislearned Lessons

When life thrusts something in your direction use it to instruct your children. Teaching moments, after all, are what we are all about. Just don't count on your lesson taking.

To be fair (unfortunately), it must be said that the instruction taken isn't always what was intended. For example, when one dad decided he could run the family Christmas as well as mom, the lesson the kids seem to take away was that he was a boob, rather than the one he intended, which was [well it was on his list, but it seems he didn't get a chance to send it, because he was doing all the stuff his wife insisted was important].

And when a father instructed his daughter in the social grace of introducing herself — so that she could report back to him the name of everyone he was supposed to remember — what she took away was that she had to have kids herself so that they could learn people's names at parties so she could avoid embarrassment as an adult.

Also, what is there to say about the lessons from golf that Greg Norman taught son Gregory other than it's a good way to pick up the hot wife (in this case tennis legend Chris Evert) off an old, now-ex-friend (in that case skiing star Andy Mill).

Kids dont' learn what they're supposed to. At least when dads are instructing. Even the brilliant lesson plan outlined by new facebook star Sam Burt — who made his kid walk miles to and from school after junior was tossed from the bus for bonking the driver with an apple core — didn't take. Apparently, Jack Burt was in trouble within three stops of being returned to bus privileges. He gets more press that way. Not what dad intended him to learn.

Never what dads intend the kids to learn ....

Writing from Beyond

The fictional Dumbledore is back from his fictional death, fictionally speaking ... sorta. The creation of author J.K. Rowling is the stern father in situ for Harry Potter [Earlier: Father Falls and More Footsteps] during the latter's seven books of adventures — although (spoiler alert?) Dumbledore does die at the end of vol. Six.

This time the headmaster of wizarding academy Hogwarts is the commentator on short stories in Rowling's new The Tales of Beedle and the Bard. The first of the too-cute but still magickal-in-her-own-way-of-telling tales about a son who inherits a cauldron from his wizard father. Apparently, Dumbledore's commentary makes the otherwise so-so stories worth the reading because you always want to know what the father figure thinks.

You especially want to know what the FF thinks when he is a real father. That sort of quirky curiosity is what led to the arrest of two adult children of a murdered man. They haven't been charged with his demise, yet, but are on the hook for hacking his computer and installing bugs on his car so they could track where he travelled.

Rounding out this not even death should keep us from learning what a dad thinks cabal is the British hospital insisting they required a dead man's signature to insure that he was okay with his daughter looking into his medical file.

What You See; What You Really Get

One father in the Corono (Calif.) PTA, a past president, thinks his daughter gives him adoring looks when he shows up at school as part of his duties. Maybe she does: she is, after all, still in elementary school ....

It seems more likely though, that the adoring look is him seeing what he wants as he mixes the business of being in his daughter's life and the pleasure. The more likely scenario between father and child is found with young Nathan Upfold. The South African 4-year-old works with his hypnotist father and grandfather as part of their show. Dad thinks he has everything under control and his son just wants to perform. The son believes he has the power to produce extra candy from pops and leave school at midday. And he does.

Face it. The kids are in control no matter what people from outside may think they see. The U.S. president-elect, Barack Obama, will soon have the ideal dad situation: ultimate authority and getting to work from home. Most likely he will find, as have other First SAHDs, that while everyone says they want the perfect stay at home dad situation ... the reality of that perfection is pretty much as Teddy Roosevelt said of first daughter Alice, "I can either run the country or control Alice, not both." He chose the to run the country, because he actually had a chance to do that.

Ripped from the Headlines

Occasionally the news biz amazes with what it believes makes dad news.

1. "Fun for Fathers" describes what sound like Brit dorkdads who live under the umbrella moniker dadscool2 who will be gathering for a bacon butty breakfast or some such.
2. "Eastwood Surprised to Be a Dad Late in Life" announces with pics galore that 12 years ago Clint Eastwood learned while visiting a gas station on his honeymoon that his new wife was pregnant. [Earlier: Big Screen Fathers]
3. "DadLabs Snags Badass Six Figure Deal with BabyBjorn" breathlessly recounts what seems much more like a dream come true. Guys, friends, fathers in a garage are making money with their website. [Earlier: Qs&As with Do Dads — DadLabs]
   

Actually, we agree that the DadLabs folks deserve the shoutout for their success. So, for today, the news biz bats .333 (not bad, now that we think about it).

Know It When You See It

We need a new word. It's too often too easy to confuse one definition of the verb "father" — basically, bring sperm to the baby recipe — with all the remaining verb and noun "father" hues. Without a parlance change, we are left with Maastricht sightseeing guide Ed Houben, provider of half the chromosomes of 46 kids, as a supreme father. And that's just not right.

Intriguingly, while most sperm donors prefer anonymity, Houben seems almost to be seeking celebrity. He recently gave a party for all "his kids" and relies on "word of mouth" and internet searches to keep up his business.

By most standards (albeit hard to define ones), Houben doesn't really qualify as a father. Similarly, the uniting of Californian Todd Whitehurst and his 14-year-old daughter is a lovely story of a daughter's ingenuity in searching out her donor dad. However, it remains to be seen how Whitehurst embraces real fatherhood, doing the dirty deeds that actually should constitute what it means to be a father.

And by dirty deeds we don't mean getting drunk and letting your 9-year-old drive you on a beer run. The dirty deeds of being a father have no specific limitations, they're more like pornography in the sense of Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewarts explanation that you don't have to define it only know it when you see it. It would be easier to be able to define it.

Sexy and Daddy

The sexiest man alive has kids. Of course.

People mag acclaimed actor Hugh Jackman may still be waiting for the birds and bees talk from his dad, but it doesn't diminish his ability either to play a dad in his latest movie, Australia, or be a dad in real life.

Unfortunately, no matter how pleasant it would be if sexy and movies and fatherhood were related they aren't. Dave Russell was sexy, but as explained in son Charlie's documentary "Looking for Dad," he really wasn't much of a father. And Terry Gilliam, cartoonist and filmmaker and father of model/actor/hottie Harry, is a genius in the visual arts, but not terribly sexy. Still, he does seem a reasonable sort of dad.

So there really is no connection between being sexy and having kids. But it probably doesn't hurt.