The Talk

It is not particularly difficult to explain the birds and the bees to one's children. They both fly and one makes for a better metaphor for existence: it can sting you and also makes honey.

The difficulty — perhaps the real source of the traditional embarrassment — is in admitting to yourself that you don't understand what winged creatures have to do with making the beast with two backs (line 127). The act itself isn't that hard to explain; anyone with naked Ken and Barbie dolls (or for fathers of boys two firetrucks) in their house can make a fair if not exact demonstration of the basics.

Actually, given what modern media makes available, THE TALK probably isn't even necessary ... if it ever was. In response to a national survey that the sons of St. George weren't doing their part in passing on procreational wisdom to the next generation, one British dad explained, "My father never even showed me how to shave. But, I mean, it's not that hard to pick up, is it?"

Finally, while on the subject of Her Majesty's subjects, it is probably something to consider that not every dad can fulfill the dreamy scene of a great sage passing on a lifetime of (sexual wisdom) to his son or daughter. Imagine Jimmy Page, now father of three, but one time (kudos to The Times), "a baby-faced, axe-wielding heroin addict fond of wearing a Nazi uniform to transvestite clubs. [Who sometimes] had to be led back to his hotel and handcuffed to the toilet for safe keeping."

Even more than the pre-sold out Led Zep concert, I wish I could have had a spot in the bleachers for The Talk he gave.