Wither the Cocoon

When a father looks at his newborn swaddled tightly in hospital blankets he sees the butterfly to be freed from the cocoon. Unfortunately, sometimes he forgets that the cocoon has to come off, so there might be a bit of overprotectiveness that needs to be curbed.

So, for example, locking your kids in a cage in the back of your pickup will keep them safe from others, but some of those others may begin proceedings to keep them from you. Not having a babysitter (BTW) is not an acceptable excuse.

And denying your child because of your experience can backfire. First, if the desire is strong enough, s/he might start to sneak behind your back to play baseball, for example. And gauge that desire carefully, because even making it harder and setting conditions can backfire when your child rises to the challenge — or you may end up with a pro ... unless that is what you secretly want.

Finally, at some point you are likely to have to face the pressures from outside to break through your cocoon. So, father Dung Doan, who tracked his son down when he stayed out late — at age 25 — has eventually had to (sort of) give in to American societal pressures while trying to raise his sons with traditional Vietnamese father-knows-bestness. In fact, his sons have to change their child-is-always-smarterier ways and accept and appreciate that a father is a river that never stops giving.

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