Listen Up

Advice for new fathers come in all forms. There are the columns of collected wisdom such as the easy column for new dad journalists to phone in. And then there are the men who want to talk of themselves as they talk of their kids. Presumably with tongue stuck somewhere in his cheek is unacceptableface, offering "My thoughts on this momentous occasion. Probably one of the most important, inspiring videos on youtube." Including such revelations as:

• Mother and baby both very good. I mean, if I'm forced to choose, I'd probably prefer the baby.
• It was only when I looked at little face that I realized ... quite ... how incredible I am.I created life.
• I'm not saying I'm better than someone who hasn't gotten a child; I obviously am.

Almost reluctantly, he reveals the important stats. Eight pounds (and 40 pence) to pay for parking.