Hearing Impaired

Have the six British prisoners serving extended terms in Her Majesty's gaols who claim their human rights are being violated because they aren't allowed to donate father sperm considered how they actually will parent?

A number of courts decided otherwise, but a "Grand Chamber" in Strassbourg decided — in a case brought by Kirk Dickson, 34, serving at least 15 years for kicking a man to death who hopes to knock up wife Lorraine, 48, who he met by writing nots to her while she was in prison for benefits fraud — that under European law, cons should get to father even though it would be many years, if ever, that they will actually be able to daddy. And so five other dad wannabees all demanded Britain let them share their goodies. Currently the British government Justice Minister Jack Straw is all in a dither over what to do.

Would it dissuade them at all (or help Straw figuring out how to keep them punished while letting them be a father) to learn of Debary (Fla.) dad Frank Formisano? He tried to do the right thing and remove his daughter's cell phone from her ear as punishment and because of his sudden move to take it away, the german shepherd who had guarded her as a baby bit off his a part of his ear. (A tale of a tail and paws that makes it even less likely Things 1 & 2 get a dog as I already have so many hurdles to get them to put down their phones and study ... or talk like real people to others in the same room.)

Words of Wondering

Do you "father" or "parent?" Either; neither; both ... and when?

What exactly is the difference between fathering and parenting other than the former is often used to mean creating a sperm-egg interaction that results in life?

Perhaps that is the question with which to test your expert, the one you hope will shepherd you down the perilous road of rearing junior. And experts there are aplenty, from the religious (such as the Mormon-run seminars) to the bloggers (like the Wall Street Journal's John J. Edwards III) to those who decry all the parenting/fathering advice as they offer more.

Case in point is Carl Honoré, author of Under Pressure. The best part of learning from him — perhaps suggesting he actually could explain the nuances of the parenting-fathering question — is his sensitivity to words. His favorite term for the people who take over their children's life as if it were their own is the Scandinavian, "curling parent," someone who sweeps the ice in front of little Johnny and/or Janey.

** Did you ever pause to consider if the specific interaction with your kid was fathering or parenting? Or both? Or neither? **

And Worth Every Penny

Ninety-seven cents. The sales pitch for today's objet d'eBay is that for $.97 you will have all the knowledge for handling your kid(s) that you will ever need. And, this can be yours via e-book, with change back from your dollar.

But Wait! There's More! A Free Gift with purchase is included and, of course, there's the money back guarantee!

Yep, I'm guessing it's pretty much that easy. As soon as I find a free buck Thing 1 and Thing 2 better get ready. I'm coming after them and expect they will have done their part by reading their "Child's All Purpose Guide to Kidding."

** Being a father is a constant rebuke to the wisdom of getting what you pay for. **