Six Times the Sympathy

Can you feel sympathetic for the man so lacking in [maybe everything] that he scammed a local church for a few thousand dollars with the story that he and his wife were the hard up parents of critically-ill sextuplets who were being kept in hiding because of a family member's insanity? Well, if you can, focus those tears on the childless Kris Everson, 35, who was just sentenced to three years in prison, having violated his probation. His wife, Sarah Everson, 46, is now on the lam.

Or would you rather feel there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I over Eric Jarvis, 32, as he tries to make it through the next weeks (he's now at week 18) with wife Sarah and her pregnancy?

** Six is never a lucky number. **

Competition

Fathers can give, but kids still have to take the wisdom and fit into the puzzle they use to beat dad.

Former football great and current Allstate Insurance shill (among other activities) John Elway sounds sincere in expressing his hope that his son will succeed as a quarterback. He brags of the physical attributes, but there seems a little more hope than belief when he refers to him as a "late bloomer." The high school senior threw seven interceptions in one game and either he is a real diamond in the rough that only dad can see or the Arizona State football scholarship was a two-for-one deal.

And Erika Ford learned a great deal from playing under her basketball father coach Larry. But either not quite enough, or not enough to do more with her players as her Davison (Mich.) Cardinals fell to dad's Flushing (Mich.) Raiders 49-46. Of course, to be fair, the younger is the coach of a team that was 2-19 last season and taking on a team that earned a 19-2 record and second straight league championship.

"I tried to get into his head a little bit," said the losing coach. But like most kids, she only succeeded a bit and, for at least another game, dad is still more successful.

** The tension of dad son/daughter competition. You want them to win, just not to beat you. **

Get Out Before It's Too Late

The worst night as a father, according to Scott Faulconbridge, is your first baby's first night at home, "...you're up at 1 you're up at 3, you're up at 5. At seven a.m. my wife caught me trying to sell the baby on eBay."

But Faulconbridge learned from that experience with first child, son Ronin. He learned to get out of the house and to work somewhere people are drinking ... so he's getting laughs and good nights sleep days after second child Mackenzie comes home. A highlight of his comedy is the ode to his wife, "Pregnancy Sucks," ending in the tearjerking realization "...for everyone." Of course, he brings the kids to work in his head.



Just wait until they're teens ...

** It's almost all funny as a father, except when it's a tragedy. Often it's still funny, as long as it is happening to another dad. **

Jack Be Fruitful. Doth He Multiply?

Do they write? Do they call? A father's day card?

Apparently not, for the most part. Of the 9000 potential offspring 70-year-old Jack Nicholson does not claim, only Jennifer Nicholson with ex-wife Sandra Knight, Caleb Goddard with Susan Anspach and Lorraine and Raymond Nicholson with (more or less current gal pal) Rebecca Broussard acknowledge their parentage.

Intriguingly, acknowledging his own father is something Nicholson will not do.

Faith of Your Father?

Could this week's objet d'eBay —Jeanne Davis's cheery (?) memoir of how her family was reactivated into their Mormon faith — help Mitt Romney gain the Republican nomination?

Unlike when his father George ran unsuccessfully for the 1968 Republican presidential nomination (he fell out of favor by claiming to have been "brainwashed") son Mitt is on the defensive about his religion.

In trying to fight off the attacks on what he believes sparked by Mike Huckabee's campaign, Romney is encouraging people to find out for themselves something more about the progeny and followers of Brigham Young and Joseph Smith.

NEWS FLASH. NOT!

US News and World Report, only enhancing its reputation for "are they still in business?" currency, highlights in the now-it-can-be-told vein that, "Most of the [presidential] candidates seem to have spent much of their lives trying to live up to their dads' expectations or redeem their earlier struggles."

** Apparently, without dads, the U.S. couldn't find presidential candidates. Good to know. **

Boys v. Girls

What can you get from dad?

Sadly, you get fat if you are daughter Lisa Marie of icon Elvis, as well as a bunch of other stuff. But if you are a fruit fly (and male) you get handsome.

** If only DNA stood for Dad Knows All. **

Reside In Poker (heaven)

According to his NY Times obit, pokerista extraordinaire Chip Reese, "...was once $700,000 behind when he left to watch his son’s Little League game." Daughter Taylor and son Casey have lost a dad's dad. RIP.

** Some dad's read life better than others, but a father's life is a gamble every day. **