Sleepaway Movie

Camp will probably be over off screen — probably still with no letter from Thing 1 — when daddy will ride to the rescue on the screen. Actually, grandpa, when the "daddy day" brand extends Aug. 8 with the release of "Daddy Day Camp."

"Daddy Day Care" (2003) was about laid off SAHDs who, cluelessly, decide to start taking care of children professonally. DDC2 has clueless white and black dads (Eddie Murphy and Jeff Garlin in One; Cuba Gooding Jr. and Paul Rae in Two) who decide to run a camp. No doubt hilarity ensues until Gooding's dad, the Colonel (Richard Grant), sets everything on course for the uplifting ending.

** A movie plotting mystery to be revealed. Dads handling kid duties are most often the source of comedy while moms handling them provide a source of tragedy? **

Not Just Catch

While a father and son playing catch is Hollywood and Madison Ave. advertising shorthand forbonding, it is more often the spectating that binds both boys and girls to their dads.

Two examples recently in the news.

"I haven't quit my job to go travel with my kid," says former Expo pitcher Bill Gullickson. "I'm still going to eat whether my daughter [tennis pro Carly] wins or not. ... I just sit and watch, and whatever happens, happens."

“I didn’t hate my father," says Sir Elton John. "I was afraid of him because he was a very strict disciplinarian and he didn’t approve of me doing what I did at all [marrying a man, among other things].”

“I made my peace with my father in the end,” says the pop star in the Daily Express. “We were still awkward with each other. That awkwardness never goes. But he was very proud of me in the end and I was chairman of Watford so when I went up to Liverpool and watched Liverpool and Watford or Everton and Watford, he used to come.”

** With the child in charge, the sporting life is always a bonding experience. With the father in charge, things can go either way. **

Two for the Road

Father and daughter share a hobby. They take a Sunday drive to the store to pursue it. It should be a heartwarming story. In Sheboygan, Wisc., it isn't and they both face felony charges.

The unnamed 64-year-old father rammed his car into a parked car in the lot. His 20-year-old, equally anonymous, daughter took over piloting the vessel and drove around as he swam in to buy more hootch. And then the police came to end the adventure.

It was the old man's fourth time being booked for DUI and he was off to jail. The daughter was booked and released, perhaps because it was her first time or maybe because someone had to take care of the two kids, 6 and 4, in the backseat.

** In Hollywood it is Michale and Lindsay Lohan; in Sheboygan it's unnamed and anonymous. **

Like Son, Unlike Father

Two Portland (Ore.) sons brought their dads into businesses. And there the stories diverge.

Environmental activist Sukhdeep Singh envisioned a restaurant, the Kalga Kafe, that would be be a testimony both to his Indian heritage and his philosophical principles. Quietly rebellious scion Travis Knight turned his back on playing the role of industry legacy and followed his passion for animation.

Singh turned to his dad for financial and management help. And father Amrik, an engineer by training, left Washington, D.C. for the northwest, bringing both to what he refers to as a "whimsical" investment. To the father, the goal is family duty: "Being parents, we have invested in this one. We have provided him the opportunity." To the son, this is a mission: "To fight capitalism, we'll have to do capitalism."

The Knights, too, are in the same location, but not a similar place. The young Knight had the misfortune to be a part of Will Vinton Studios, an innovator fallen on hard times. So, father Phil — billionaire emperor of Nike — stepped in with an investment ... and eventually took over, kicking out Vinton and replacing other members of the management team as well as naming himself and his son to the board. And soon coming to theaters as a test of this parent's involvement and son's attempt to make his own way will be the multi-million dollar, digital 3-D epic "Coraline," based on Neil Gaiman's young adult novel.

Although they work together, father and son Knight continue to see things differently. "I can find solace here," says Travis.

"Obviously, we'd love to do $100 million," says father Phil.

** Meddle or muddle, fathers have to be involved. **

What a Father Really Knows

Today's objet d'eBay is an autographed poster of a dream.

"Father Knows Best" featured television's dream family for six years (1954-1960). That family evolved from a fantasy radio family with a five year run (1949-1954). Father, Robert Young, would go on to play Marcus Welby, the great white father in the lab coat from 1969-1976. It was a great run for a dadster.

Reality was a little more complex for Young. There was the 61-year marriage (until the death of wife Betty Henderson's. There were their four daughters. But there was also alcoholism, depression and suicide attempt. That eventually led to the Robert Young Center for Community Mental Health. The facts of life include the reality that no dad's life is ever a complete dream.

** As Shakespeare wrote in "As You Like It," "...and one man in his time plays many parts." **

DNA (do not accept?) Fatherhood

It is written — in the manner of unsubstantiated netlore on the importance of DNA testing — that studies show, "10 percent of children are actually the offspring of biological fathers other than the men they believe to be their fathers."

What does it mean to being a father if that is true? Actually, what does the DNA link mean to determining who is a father?

In Ireland, the biological father was granted the right by a court to keep the two lesbian parents of the child product of his sperm from vacationing in one of the couple's Australian homeland. On the other hand, an Los Angeles court commissioner took a (non) dad off the hook for $168,000 he owed in child support but wouldn't give him back the money he actually paid when a DNA test proved he wasn't the father he thought he was.

So there is unsettled legal ground for the fatherer. But what about the fatheree? What can of worms gets opened when a child selects who's his or her daddy?

** Evidence is in and fathering is not just a "show me the money" kind of gig. **

Dadelusions

A report datelined Washington, claims David Hasselhoff will use "respect and not overreacting [as] the magic rules that [will] help him bond with [daughters] Hayley, 14, and Taylor-Ann, 17."

The former "Baywatch" boytoy, singing sensation and celebrity show judge credits the video of him drunkenly sprawled on a carpet slobbering down a hamburger for his new maturity as a parent. But it was daughter Taylor-Ann who shot the suces d'youtube so it is difficult not to be skeptical about how much control Hasselhoff will really have over two teens — who like most children are probably at least a step ahead of dad on their worst days.

Amazingly enough, following the release of the video — for which he is now suing his ex and her attorney, claiming they secretly released it to the media — Hasselhoff was able to wrest away sole custody of his daughters from their (B? C? actress) mom, Pamela Bach.

** As reality battles cynicism, and despite his newfound "fitness" as a parent, it seems most likely that over the next few years when it is "boys night out for the Hoff, it will be boys night in for Hayley and Taylor-Ann. **

Hate with Horns

From Operaland comes some unsung high drama. Wolfgang Wagner is standing up for his daughter Katherina as she faces waves of criticism for her recent direction of grandfather Richard's "Die Meistersinger."

Few critics weighed in favorably and most were hateful, denouncing her production with topless dancers accompanied by her (presumably increasingly de-)composing grandfather shaking it in his underpants. The plot of the opera includes the offer of a daughter's hand in marriage for the winning of a singing contest; in this real life production, father Wolfgang, 87, is insistent that he will only step down from directing the famed Bayreuth festival (the German summer celebration of the controversial composer's work, replete with strong father characters) if his daughter gets the job.

** A father's work is never done until the fat lady sings. **