Saturday Stupidity Report

From low and high culture comes dumb.

A Mesa, Ariz., father, 19, decided it would be cool to tumble dry his son. Two obvious mistakes: 1) his son was not wet and 2) even though it may seem like a cool idea you can kill a kid by sticking him in a laundromat dryer and what was he thinking and hopefully during his prison/probation time he will have his head cleansed with some commonsense.

For all their alleged "progressive" tendencies, colleges and universities don't offer parental leave equally (or particularly fairly) to moms and dads. Maybe there is something here the Marines [Earlier: What Up] can teach the slacker dummies in their robes and gowns.

Downturn Uplift

Who knew a depression could offer such uplift?

Good news for unemployed dads comes from some Pennsylvania men and women. A report in the Beaver County (Penna.) Times suggests that dads, many of whom were not working or just scraping by for their familes, were the beloved heroes of the Great Depression, at least according to the memories of 80- and 90-year-old men and women. Another lemons to lemonade take is the tale (as told by Wisconsin's Capital Times) of Joe Bauernhuber, who was downsized from creative director to creative chef and homemaker. After all, how often at work did his boss or employees look up to him like his 6-year-old daughter Tia and encourage, "Don't worry, Daddy, you're super-talented."

Proud Pom Pom Papa

Publishers Weekly described the new edition of Your Pregnancy for the Father-to-Be as a "helpful compendium" with both "obvious tips" and lists of information very unfamiliar to most wannadads. Fox News boiled it all down to nine tips for nine months.

So, probably, the book won't hurt the preparation for most pre-postpartum depression fathers [Earlier: Scary Visions] However, what most men fail to realize about their new role can be found in the 30 seconds of the government's fatherhood initiative PSA.



Dads, embrace the chance to make a fool of yourself if and when it will build up your kid. It's all you really need to know.

What Up

"I got another one coming in '09, yeah! That's what's up!" says rapper Nasty NASir of the baby (his second, her first) he has on the way with milkshaking wife Kelis. He's married, no longer the gangsta player who dueled Jay-Z in a relatively silly war of words for a few long years. And so the the question is where on the spectrum of new dads Nas will fall.

Will he be a one thing to the outside world and something else at home as suggested by the new U.S. Marine Corps policy that allows the men it hammers men into fighting machines 10 days of paternity leave for new fathers and nearly three weeks off if they are adopting? Or will he just be an insane man who is unable to see anything but himself, no matter what he is supposed to be looking at like the Irish dad who sued (and lost) the midwife for €38,000 because she politely asked him to give her a moment without his sticking his video lens in her business while she performed an emergency procedure following the unplanned Caesarean birth of his new baby.

While most people asking what kind of dad Nas will be only care about him as a celebrity, the more important reason for asking the question is to find out what kind of child he'll have. After all, despite what some people say (or sing), it's not that easy to get a new dad if the old one isn't working out.

Workplace Surprises

Researchers from North Carolina State and Maryland universities are trumpeting findings that girls are drawn into their fathers business by about 13 to 20 percent more than in the past. The academics don't seem exactly sure why, but suggest it has something to do with daughters listening to their dads blathering on — even when they don't seem to be paying attention.

Hypothetically, a daughter following in her father's footsteps seems wonderful. Still, there are situations .... For example, accountant Celia Hewlett-Ola recently took over her father's practice, a part-time gig she picked up upon the passing of Charlesworth Hewlett, who died last month at the age of 73. Unfortunately, she may not have listened closely enough to what he had to say about his clients. Ms. H-O, whose father included disgraced Ponziist Allen Stanford and his multi-billion dollar international operations among his clients despite being pretty much a momless pop organization, is now a bit enmeshed in a sticky wicket thanks to listening to dear-old-dad wax rhapsodic on the magic of figures and figuring. In no tribute to her dad, Ms. H-O says she really has no idea what's gone wrong, describing it all as "a complete surprise."

Perhaps the researches should begin a followup to determine whether — given this fab news — girls need to listen more carefully or fathers must speak more carefully.

Pass It On

Fathers do know best, most often. Still, what is the right answer to the question of how much one wants to be irreplaceable and the desire to have a child fill one's footsteps?

For three different takes on the possibilities we have two kings and a commoner. First is the tale of Japanese Crown Prince Naruhito, 49, who has been hanging out all these years waiting to take over from pops, Emperor (not really a king, per se) Akihito, now 75. Recently the Prince said he would try to do more, given dad's ill health, which would seem to require a few more ribbon cuttings, since there actually is a parliament that is supposed to be in charge of the country. (BTW bonnie Prince Chuck, maybe you would like to take the hint and do more than wait for mums to drop the handbag of power?)

Second, we have Martin Luther King III, who is celebrating the 50th anniversary of his dad's travels in Gandhi's footsteps by stepping out on the same path. Literally following in his father's footsteps does seem a more realistic approach to life, since he has been unable figuratively to do so.

Finally, we have the irreplaceable commoner, Pontiac, Mich., alderman Don Don Stalter, whose death propelled son Mike into his city council seat, but whose passing (and Mike's decision not to seek a term of his own) has left nobody willing and/or able to step forward and take his place.

What would their dads want? What would you or yours choose?

And The Oscar Goes To ... Or Doesn't

This week's objet d'eBay, a fake Oscar whose model was the childless Emilio Fernández Romo, is the reminder that the tube du jour is the Academy Awards. [Earlier: Movies to Be] Of course, everyone of heart is rooting for Heath Ledger's dad, Kim, to receive the award for his son's Joker performance that will eventually pass to Ledger's daughter, Matilda.

That rooting isn't quite fair to the various other nominated dads or all the fathers rooting on their children. But as is said quite often, life isn't fair. Peope see things differently as evidenced by the If it were, then more people would have been inspired for good and bad by the multi-awarded, but never Oscared 2005 dark comedy, In Memory of My Father, which would also be a wonderful name for the movie created from the angst of a woman whose dad was a CIA star (another still-to-be-made film).

Unemployment Compensation?

Once again Britain's Liberal Democratic party leader Nicholas Clegg has brought up the issue of fathers taking care of children. Earlier in the year he was proposing a year of paternity leave for new dads and now he has suggested that the UK's finest, who lose their jobs in heavy industry be retrained as nannies or SAHDs.

Something about the proposal seems a bit off — and it seems unlikely too many dads will be affected — so the biggest wonder is what it might do for Clegg's prospects.


[Update: As of Feb. 22, Clegg and wife are proud parents of Miguel, their third son.]