Living Theater

Forty-six years ago, in New York, Martin Sheen was the son. Now he'll be the father in "the show that changed [his] life so thoroughly...," an LA-production of "The Subject Was Roses."

Intriguingly, he began his showbiz career in Julian Beck and Judith Molina's Living Theatre. That (continuing) experiment was supposed to try and break down the fourth wall between drama and audience, something Sheen would probably very much like to put up again, particularly with respect to the troubles of real-life son Charlie whose act and life makes "Two and a Half Men" sound like the number of realities in which he lives.

Baby Daddy, Baby

We're a bit late to the party on talking up this idea that seeing "baby daddy" in the headline can only mean scandal. It's particularly enticing for short articles referring to Hollywood hunks. This is not to suggest that there can't be scandal when a headline includes the more traditional "baby's daddy," as in "I'm That Baby's Daddy: Priest" (all about the looming custody battle between Catholic priest David Dueppen and his stripper baby mama). It's just that there's much more ring to saying BD, for example, than for the equal in meaning "baby father."

Father Fathers

The path seems to be leading towards Cutie kids. The [future] father was caught frolicking outside his Catholic priest garments with a woman [Earlier: "The Talk" Talk] , who he is now planning to lead down the Episcopal church aisle. If you and your God are good, then all that's left is to go forth and multiply, Cutie.

In somewhat related news, a father who was not caught messing around while frockless may have put the Baltimore Archdiocese on the hook for up to $10 million. A brother and sister say the (presumably celibate) father is their dad. Their claim, at ages 63 (he) and 56 (she) is for "lost child support" ... and likely financial interest in place of the personal interest the two adoptees never received from their father father.

"The Talk" Talk

Once again it's time to talk sex talk. This time, courtesy of the Father Cutie's father.

Alberto Cutie is the Miami priest caught frolicking, presumably as a Catholic he is following the Church's dictates about unprotected sex so it's a good thing that this father didn't father (yet). However, his father did and we're betting Alberto's dad never came through with a successful talk about the birds and bees or any other intra- or interspecies sexual relationships.

It's not an easy talk, even for the parent who is completely open and honest about the subject ... such as the Polish dad who tried to buy his son a hooker for his 14th birthday only to find his little chip had opted for the undercover police officer.

Naturally, Hugh Jackman has already managed "the talk" with his 8-year-old. However, he does have superpowers.

For the remainder of dads out there, don't end up fathering father Cuties. Consider turning to the experts, your kids:

Gay ... Gaye ... Gay?

If Mariela Castro is successful, then it will be safer for a gay son or daughter in Cuba. She is the 45-year-old wild child of current Cuban President Raoul.

A mother of three with two different fathers she has dad behind her (albeit cautioning her to move slowly): "I've seen changes in my father since I was a child. I saw him as macho and homophobic. But as I have grown and changed as a person, so I have seen him change."

Not that legislation will change people's minds immediately. Either you accept your gay child, as British conservative MP Derek Conway does, or you work on it. Of course, even if you say you accept your child's sexuality there might be prejudices that sneak in. And Conway, who was suspended from the House of Commons for steering £50,000 of taxpayer's money to son Frederick, had sent the same sort of money to his older son Henry, as well. Henry, who is gay, only received £32,000 out of public coffers.

Nobody was punished for that, but the gossip sheets have now fixated on the elder son's sexuality. Not that it ruffles father Conway: "It is complete rubbish. These homophobic clowns think every gay wants to be a woman. ...Why should he be pilloried for being gay? He's my son."

And Gay Lindberg is his father's son. His father, who named him Darryl Gay (after Toronto Maple Leaf Great Gaye Stewart) echoes the steps of the father's above. There are sometimes mistakes, but checking with the children you love does cause things to eventually work out.

** Comic with the Gay/Gaye naming, there is always something of the father in the essence of the child. **

Manifest Destiny

Illness, struggle, comedy and the inexplicable. Such are the manifestations of the dad life.

Robert Schimmel, who asked his dad to kill him, has the wisdom of that man to thank for getting on with his life. Comedian Schimmel was lying in bed with Non-Hodgkins lymphoma that made him feel like his "bones were breaking from the inside out." He asked his father to do him in and, instead, his dad went and got two of Schimmel's kids and said, "tell them what you just told me." So life goes on and recovery included new material in a book, Cancer on $5 a Day.

Another father-of-three now relying on his own father is Client #9, Eliot Spitzer, who has stepped back from the scandal that ended his tenure as NY guv. [Earlier: Eliot ... Eliot ... Eliot; Tsk ... Tsk ... Tsk] Now he's running his father's $500 million real estate empire as his dad convalesces with Parkinsons in a NY hospital.

On the other hand, suffering from a hitherto unnamed malady is celeb dad Charlie Sheen, father already of daughters Sam and Lola and soon — although incapable so far of a committed relationship — to whatever and whoever might someday be formed from within the swell of girlfriend Brooke's belly. A tale also rife with struggle, comedy and inexplicable.

** Comedic suffering or suffering comedy. Which better describes the pop? **

Dad's Derailed Dreams

For this year — well, next year, really — it might have been Daley for Vice President. But, despite this week's objet d'eBay, it isn't and won't be.

The button is a remnant of the 1968 American presidential campaign. Then Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley, credited with "helping to steal" John Kennedy 1960 electoral victory and host of the Democratic parties convention, managed to oversee the bloodiest convention ever. There was teargassing, police brutality and great television for the American audience. Daley didn't get the presidential or vice presidential nomination and for a variety of reasons, including the beastly convention spectacle, nominee Hubert Humphrey went down in flames against Richard Nixon in the 1968 election.

And next year, when the Democrats meet in Denver, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley, a possible VP as an experienced politician and moderate balance for certain of the likely nominees, will also not be getting the chance. Just like his father, any political aspirations he may have beyond running the Windy City, will be foiled. He claims he didn't know about his 29-year-old son Patrick investing in Municipal Sewer Services, a company living by substantial runoff from city funds.

** Just another case of like father (denied), like son (denied) **