Dad Swing the Hips, Daughter Don't!

Today's best advice for fathers is to talk about sex and dance with your daughters. No definitive position yet on whether to do the two simultaneously.

The value of a father dispensing the birds and bees blather comes courtesy of a recent bit of research that chicks on the cusp of their third decade believed they would have been more responsible (and made better boyfriend choices!) if they'd been able to discuss with their father at least a bit about the bumping of uglies.

And the value of dancing to connect with one's own little ladies is exemplified by the lasses who posted their dad as backup dancer in their remake of Justin Bieber's immortal "Baby" (as in Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Got You On My Mind — repeat endlessly)



All because what you want to avoid is BABY, BABY, BABY until the right time ... and you'll know the time is right when you're both ready (sort of a "blue pill" for the joint daddy-daughter soul).

Quelle Surprise, Mac Man

And now the son has to have the sex talk with the father. Signifying how far we are from the days of hemming and hawing ... and just selling hamburgers, McDonalds has released an ad in France that at least seems to suggest a young man's fancy has turned to another young man. Soon enough, le père will need to be tuned in to his son's channel.

To Do or Not to Do

Don't want to have the sex talk? Go see a movie.

Daddy I Do, Cassie Jaye's look at abstinence only education (including daddy-daughter chastity balls) was awarded the prize at the Cannes Film Festival in the Documentary category.

Time for the Non-Talk?

Much is made of The Talk ["The Talk" Talk; Blah, Blah, Blah, Sex, Blah, Blah; The Talk]. Less attention is paid to the timing and substance of "the non-talk."

The NT is called for usually in the case of crime and can (or cannot) be led by father or by child. An excellent example of the NT is the one accused Nazi collaborator John Demjanjuk never had with his son about his past. As a result, JD Jr. can insist that it's all an evil conspiracy against Ukranians that has his 89-year-old father on trial for WWII war crimes.

A less exemplary example of the non-talk is that of a Keystone, Colo., boy who did not mention to his father that he would be using the "I am having a sex change" alibi when he was nabbed for using a stolen/borrowed ski pass. Conversely, the father who was going to murder his wife, his son's step-mother, should probably never have brought his son along (or should have first discussed their joint story) as it was the boy who gave him up to the cops.

So, a word (really, words) of fatherly advice: If it's important, get your story(ies) straight ... or don't say anything at all.

Father Acts Best: The Uncomfortable Parody

The self-proclaimed parody of a 50's sitcom by Delphia Entertainment can make one a bit uncomfortable when it moves to pops explaining/demonstrating the lascivious manner in which he evened the score between his son and a bully. Still, at least someone with a video camera is (re)thinking the father-child sex talk.

"The Talk" Talk

Once again it's time to talk sex talk. This time, courtesy of the Father Cutie's father.

Alberto Cutie is the Miami priest caught frolicking, presumably as a Catholic he is following the Church's dictates about unprotected sex so it's a good thing that this father didn't father (yet). However, his father did and we're betting Alberto's dad never came through with a successful talk about the birds and bees or any other intra- or interspecies sexual relationships.

It's not an easy talk, even for the parent who is completely open and honest about the subject ... such as the Polish dad who tried to buy his son a hooker for his 14th birthday only to find his little chip had opted for the undercover police officer.

Naturally, Hugh Jackman has already managed "the talk" with his 8-year-old. However, he does have superpowers.

For the remainder of dads out there, don't end up fathering father Cuties. Consider turning to the experts, your kids:

Time's Up

Some fathers get the barn door closed before the horse escapes and some don't. Still, the horse always gets out

One who likely missed his best chance to keep things under control (but does get something of a do-over) is Dennis Patten, who will shortly be settling down with son Alfie, 13, to discuss the birds and the bees. [Earlier: What's It All About Alf] The good news for Ole' Alf is that he is not the father of his 14-year-old girlfriend's baby. The bad news is that he is apparently heartbroken to learn that his girlfriend cheated on him.

For a better sense of timing, you can consider Gerald Henderson Sr., who had an unbroken streak of one-on-one wins against Jr. He was an ex-NBA star and his son was about 12 or 13 when that competition ended. Still, the father could see his son was getting closer to topping him and was well on his way to his current college stardom. While he knew his son would soon be dunking over and all around him, he also knew that if he didn't compete he couldn't get beat.

The key to fatherhood: you gotta pick your moments.

Blah, Blah, Blah, Sex, Blah, Blah

Can there ever be enough written or said about the talk?

Paradoxically, no matter how many words are proffered on what a father should say to a son about sex, they are never the right ones. Today's Objet d'eBay is a highly limited edition of a 1948 Hallmark (?) edition of the "Father and Son" chapbook from the Digest of Hygiene (Australian version).

The table of contents offers pretty clear evidence that however unuseful editor M.A. Horn's tome was during its time, it has even less utility today — beyond the few minutes of amusement if offers during an eBay search.

It may serve as an artifact of its time and testimony to how uncomfortable is the talk about the birds and bees — not that WD recommends discussions of bestial miscegenation make for dinner table conversations. And perhaps it offers the suggestion of father-son bonding ... although the idea of a father-son marijuana biz has a nice glow of fellowship about it as well.

But while the stereotype remains of father uncomfortably confronting son over sex, there are attempts — sophomoric as they may be — to get beyond that and offer information in new (albeit disgusting and somewhat inappropriate ways:



Maybe there can be enough said ...

** It may not be what you say that makes a difference, but the way you tell your tale. **