Happy Father's Day

Rather than leave the world hanging in suspense, the Australian Father's Day Council chairman Maurice Newman announced David Koch as "Dad of the Year," at the annual Father's Day Luncheon at New South Wales Parliament House.

Koch is father of three girls and one boy and made news earlier this summer about making handbags from the "family jewels" — presumably not the reason he received this recognition as they celebrate down under dads the first September Sunday.

However, as is fathers' fate, even with dad's day on the horizon, most of the news is still about the focused on the femmes.

Speaking for himself and many others, Koch, who came to fame as a financial journalist and tv personality responded, "I love being a dad."

** It doesn't matter what the calendar says, fathers' days are the one's you make yourself, either by reveling in the world of your children or by buying your own gifts. **

Six Years On

Creaky, but not crusty. A newly-published study of 11,600 Swedish people identifies males who are six years older as the perfect target for women desirous of more than two children. (The average for the "more mature" spermers was 2.2 kiddlings. Should a man marry a woman who wants .2 of a child?)

** The study also found that when the relationship fails, both partners usually go younger shopping. **

Beet Red

Where was the wisdom of the Califan, N.J., produce manager father when his sons went bananas and lost their jobs?

In fact, not only did Mark and Matthew D'Avella get fired from their jobs at their dad's A&P, they have also been slapped with a $1 million-plus defamation suit by the grocery chain based in Montvale, N.J. And all because the two college-age sons of a 30-year company veteran posted a gangsta rap parody prepared as part of a class project:

** Why doesn't dad produce any comments for public consumption? **

Can't You See He's Stalling

Now, of course and with all thanks to father-of-three, Idaho Senator Larry Craig's solicitation of sex in a men's room, everyone will understand that being a father has nothing to do the enjoyment of any particular sexual activity.

And it doesn't have anything to do with what you say — as in signing your name to a pleasant essay celebrating Father's Day.

There is creating a child; there is being a father. Related, but not synonymous activities, whether attitudes change or [more likely, sigh] don't.

** Acronym alert: Stay-in-Closet (SIC) dads. **

Lions and Tigers and Bears ... and Penguins

Apparently, penguin daddies are the scariest of all God's creatures. Their story is the most banned, boycotted and controversial in libraries today.

** Nothing scares like real-life daddies. **

Glad SAHDs

Somehow, Garth Brooks seems to be stretching the definition of "stay at home dad" in announcing the release of his new album.

The mega-selling country star had three daughters with first wife Sandy Mahl Brooks (they announced their divorce in 2000 and he is now married to singer Trisha Yearwood) and vowed with his 2001 "retirement" to stay at home to care for the girls until the youngest, Allie Colleen who was born in 1996, graduates high school. But there will be live performances and maybe even limited touring in support of this self-distributed collection of "Ultimate Hits."

Someone who might have taken a page out of his book — for purposes of self-definition only — is Cincinnati Reds rookie starter Tom Shearn, 30, who had to return to baseball and his major league debut after 11 seasons in the minors because his wife wouldn't let him live the SAHD life with his 18-month-old daughter... as if playing baseball were really a full time job.

** If a stay-at-home-mommy includes the women with maids and nannies, why shouldn't fathers be granted some flexibility as well? **

Naked Adventures in Fatherhood

"I do all the things now that I saw other fathers do that I swore I'd never do," says Burt Reynolds, much better know for his Cosmo centerfold, dating adventures and movies than as the father of an 18-year-old (from his five-year marriage with actress Loni Anderson). "... it's a comedy of errors [living with Quinton]; we could probably have done a television series about it. It's like: 'Why didn't you call me? Where are you going? What are you doing?'"

Reynolds credits lessons from his father — who agreed to adopt the friend Reynolds brought home after learning he being abused in his home — as inspiring his own parenting ways. In addition to trying to do right by his son, he has also done over 40 years of charity work on behalf of children.

With that background and able to talk football — Reynolds first attended Florida State University on a football scholarship — perhaps he could be persuaded to impart some of those lessons to prolific procreator Travis Henry . The Denver Broncos running back has nine kids with nine women in four states. But don't worry, his attorney says he's "a really committed father." (Ironic and unlikely, unless the last "er" was dropped.)

** There is always the tension as a father about to hide from your kids. **

Krazy Kids

Not just strict or authoritarian. We're talking dictatorial daddy in the case of North Korea's Kim Jong-Il and his wayward son Kim Jong Nam, 36, and Iraq's chip off the old Saddam Hussein block, Iraq's Raghad Hussein, 38. Oh, and did we mention they might have passed along a little craziness the tyrants passed on to their children?

Both are headed home. Speculation is that Kim is returning to throw his hat in the ring for the cage match to succeed daddy and granddaddy, after time spent wandering, begun with an attempted visit via fake visa to Tokyo Disneyland. Hussein faces different circumstances, possible expulsion from her Jordan safe haven to trial and possible death in her native land.

** Aspire to be tyrant of your land, king of the castle is so passe. **