Who Sucked the Life Out?

Nature's father-teen metaphor: Pipeline father's "suck the life from their young."

Few will hear of it — it being a nature story, after all — but teens in particular will feel the pain of the pipeline. That fish, looking like a straight version of the related seahorse [Earlier: Is Pops Preggers?], also is one of the very rare species where the male carries the babies. (In this case, the fertilized female passes her eggs to inside the daddy-to-be for nourishment 'til birth.)

A new study suggests that a father may be ingesting some of the hundreds of possible pipeline. However, another hypothesis of why fewer come out than go it is much more likely to those who have gone through fatherhood. In this scenario, it is not the father who feasts on the embryo, but the pipeline kiddies who cannibalize each other.

On the Waterfront

It is hard to explain exactly why, but most of the time when dads, daughters and water are part of the story, the ending is unhappy. Typically, fathers and female progeny are part of stories like the current one from Wales featuring the little girl who died in her daddy's arms at the bottom of a waterfall.

As a result, it is truly the rare pleasure to read of happy and wet times, such as when daughter Kass,12, gets "trout whisperer" Karl Seckinger to shut up long enough so she can reel in the first trout of her summer. Dad helps (and even gets a "thank you"), but mostly this is just DNA at work. Similarly, while gondolier pop Dante Boscolo questions daughter Giorgia's biceps, it is pretty clear how proud he is that his daughter has passed the test to become Venice's first female gondolier. (Her own rejoinder is that if he thinks this is so hard he should try child birth.)

We send thoughts of happiness (and a touch of envy) to two fab dads and our condolences to the family of the unfortunate father.

Goin' Fishin'

Unless you're fishing for food (and usually even then), the sport is best celebrated as a time for bonding, whether with others anglerly-inclined or with family. This week's objet d'eBay, the story section from the May 17, 1936 issue of agricultural outland focused Grit magazine.

A wondrous example of father-son fishing are Turners, Jeff and son Taylor, who are taking the summer to fish all fifty states in just fifty days. While their progress can be followed, they say they are on a mission to build and inspire closeness between other fathers and their kids and so it is probably better if you go out and fish yourself.

However, as with all things fatherhood today, fishing is no longer just dad and son time. Gents, drag out your daughters as soon as possible — 14 months is way not too early to bring joy. As so lovingly sketched on the Grit cover, fishing, or just being together, is perfect fun and bonding for everyone ... except the fish.

Piscine Ponderings

To-be dads in a Great Lake tart themselves up like women so they can spread their sperm. Men out of water seem better able to contain themselves.

Researchers have found that Lake Ontario round gobies, the younger single male version, apparently use their female round gobie looks to sneak into a nest of eggs guarded by the older males and to fertilize the next before sneaking out to the next next. On the other hand, men like father-of-three Ian Platt — and his transvestite alter ego, Susan — are content with marriage (and no more breeding) with just one woman. Similarly, Bernie Darling (really) has a 29-year-old daughter, a wife of 36 years, and, according to Australian news, "a collection of high-heeled shoes and a wardrobe full of dresses; 'none of which are green floral minis.' "

It's not clear whether this proves the superiority of walkers to swimmers, but as they say in France, vive la différence!

A Moderate Bit of Violence

Aristotle, father of Pythias, is famous for (among other things) the idea that we should enjoy "all things in moderation." And that, boys and girls, includes violence.

MODERATION YES. So, it is a wonderful and all-praiseworthy idea that a father and son should take a 50-day, 50-state fishing trip as planned by the Turners of Warennton, Va. With the son headed off to college and life soon they decided to do a bit of male bonding over the occassional dead fish before beginning the separation that comes with adulthood.

MODERATION NO. Not so marvelous are the bonding ideas of two gentlemen of Derry, N.H. Father Primeau and father Dearborn believed that the way to get close to their boys was to encourage them to clobber other kids. Encouraging their sons in their hobbies, one drove the young master to where he could, hopefully, "knock him out" and the other was content to reside on the sidelines, having sent instructions to "smash" and "step on his head."

Briefly, then. Bonding involving moderate violence against fish: usually good. Bonding involving immoderate violence against others: usually bad.

Lesson learned?