What would be a great gift for a baby who will never know his biological father? Why a father who bakes, of course. An even better gift? Two fathers who bake. That is the great fortune of Caleb St. Germain-Donnelly, adopted five days after birth by the co-owners of the Cranston, R.I., Little Falls Bakery & Café. As father Jeff told the Providence Journal, "“He’s just happy."
Tremendous, positive messages are flowing into and out of the "It Gets Better Project," set up to give hope to kids whose sexual orientation has caused them upset. Most are specific to the presumed audience of gay, lesbian, transsexual and transgendered children who are bullied at school or feeling alone and hopeless and that the world would be better off without them. However, from hope and support grows H&S.
One for fathers comes from gay dad, Nico Diaz, who adopted his son as a sickly infant and then had to fight both the life threatening illnesses and then a court system that threatened to take his son away. Similar to the message contained in the video posted as part of the project, Diaz has a simple message for fathers struggling: It Gets Better.
While looking at Aussies Graeme Squires and Nicholas Gunn discuss their latest project, The Dream Children, it is impossible not to wonder exactly "how beautiful can dads be?" That question — and the distraction it provides — will no doubt haunt their movie about a closeted star and his longtime partner who become dads ("gay dads" for headline writers) when they adopt the child of a druggie.
Even as the movie searches for international distribution, the question lingers. Other than "more beautiful than I," exactly how beautiful can a father be?
If you can imagine fathers punished for acting well and a pop rewarded years after acting questionably mdash; perhaps the kindest way to phrase it, despite some extraordinary results — then the news about two Hoosier fathers, as well as Michael Jackson's daddy Joe.
Now it is certainly possible that the two fathers being married to each other could well have caused their near-arrest at the Niles, Ind., Wal-Mart store and banning from the chain. However, they only went there to reward for their two adopted twins, not expecting that despite dropping over $200 on various goods and treats, they would be falsely accused of shoplifting and then handcuffed and thrown into the back of a police car.
It is also certainly possible (but very unlikely) that when entertainer Jackson passed [Earlier: Ashes to Ashes, Crazy to Crazy], his last wish was that his father be taken care of in recognition of his importance in shaping his career, and not his influence in creating such a strange and seemingly unhappy mind and personal life. Of course, the final wish doesn't matter and papa Joseph is conspicuously absent from the singer's last will ... a matter the father is trying to change by appealing to receive money from the estate as reward for being who he was.
The recap. To reward as a father is to gain punishment. To punish as a father is to possibly gain reward. Questions?
More material for the "don't jump to conclusion's file": From the culture of gay can come surprising fertility.
In nature, evidence comes from the partnership of two Griffon vultures. Dashik and Yehud, both male, were an item before a zookeeper thought about making them foster parents, which they did successfully before splitting up. However, post split up, the gay dads biologically fathered with new, female partners, having baby GVs on the same day and with the exact same weight.
In politics, we have the case of San Francisco (the Gay Sodom, according to some who believe the San Francisco treat should be nothing more licentious than rice). Mayor and gubernatorial candidate Gavin Newsom has been busy off the campaign trail twittering the birth of his new baby girl, Montana. Newsom follows in the stroller path of former mayor Willie Brown, who also fathered while in office and joins an apparent heterosexual fertility culture by the bay in City Hall as supervisors and others have also become new pops.
And the lesson is ...?
While it is complicated to be "the father" when one is not biologically or geographically completely in the child's life it is still important and necessary to DAD UP!
Among men showing the way are actor Jude Law (father currently of three with an ex-), who pledges to also be a big part of the life of the child conceived with last year's fling. There is also writer Gary Blitt who found himself in the ironic situation of not wanting to be a dad, agreeing to be a dad and then finding himself infertile ... before agreeing/encouraging the "adoption" of a sperm donor dad and finally finding himself more and more in love with his new daughter.
The reason it is important to have role models for difficult situations is so that fathers facing the seemingly intractable can have hope — no matter how hopeless the situation appears or how intricately woven the obstacles seem — that they will be able to find their way to happy fatherhood. Currently, poor baby William needs all his "fathers" to figure out how to live for him. In the British boy's case, there is the husband of the surrogate mom who needs to find his place; and then there's the brother of SM, who asked her to carry the sperm of his lover (and here is where it gets even more complicated) who he is trying to marry, assuming he and his lover can get divorces from the men they previously married, who were both "cuckolded" by an affair that all began over a shared love of dogs.
Complicated? Sure, but not without some hope if they'll all just DU.
If there is a angel dad on earth, it could well be Larry Thorpe. The Indiana man has been a good father to his three biological children, a caring adopting father to 31 others and a giving, foster father to nearly 300, including those with with severe autism, shaken baby syndrome and other debilitating conditions.
Former Philadelphia Eagles running back Ricky Watters is adopting his second mixed race son and encouraging others as fortunate in sports and life to join him. Which is praiseworthy, as is the legacy of Andrew Durning and John Videtto, who adopted three children and led a crusade of good works in hostile Florida to raise loving children and teach skeptical neighbors what can happen when papa bear and papa bear raise babies without a mama bear.
However, while quantity does not equal quality, and it would be wrong to diminish the hearts and acts of other fathers whose hearts open wider than expected, Thorpe should surely be in the running for "father of the millenium," or a "Nobel Prize for Fatherhood," or at the least for getting his face on stamps and currency.
Suppose they're married? Or at least civil unionized?
The two dads, I mean, including the Gene Hackman-like ("I Never Sang for My Father") one making sandwiches, who the kids refer to as mum.
The ad has been yanked in Britain because 202 people complained. Was it because of the objectification of the wife as a deli man? Was it the "sweet cheeks" endearment? Did they not think that a dad could make a lunch sandwich?
Or did they not think these two were meant for each other and so probably weren't married and might even have been living in sin together?
They seem like reasonable and caring fathers. Fortunately, their mayonnaised union will live on forever via the internet.
The stereotypical dad is the slob who never shows his kids love, only life's hard knocks and the little lessons of physical and business until his life's final reel. Then, weepy eyed he and kinder close the circle of life: lessons are passed on and human love is confirmed.
If we believe this stereotype, is it absurd to think that the gay father might be the better dad? Might he be so in touch with his inner mom, that his child doesn't have to await his taking those final steps from death's anteroom (cf: Florida, et al.)? Or are stereotypes just a useful shorthand in popular culture media such as books, tv and movies that save time on character development so we can move on to plot or laugh lines?
Intriguingly, mediaspeaking, the two Cambridge, Mass., effetes who become dads (think La Cage aux Folles/Birdcage) in Michael Downing's novel Breakfast with Scot aren't really in a butch enough situation to make the transition to the silver screen. We now have Downing's novel adapted for screen and possibly (?) only for Canadian audiences, becoming "the gay hockey movie." There's a ex-hockey enforcer and lawyer and since the NHL had to approve the script and use of logos perhaps even an interesting look at a marketing decision of how to increase the popularity of a sport not so big below the 48th parallel or how to build interest in a niche subject (gay dads) above it.
