Boys Toys

Recognizing that boys like toys, Sony is feeding their new products to daddy bloggers — alas, not this one — in the hopes of picking up some solid viral verbiage.

It does need to be noted that dads are not a fan of every toy, so a breastfeeding-ready doll, for example, is not likely a papablogger fave, even for those typers with daughters (or particularly curious sons), or even most male biology teachers. Also worth mentioning in that not every dad toy succeeds, as demonstrated by the sad fate of Chris Kumar PVE toycompany: it started out as a way for him to follow in his late father's footsteps, but has ended up in bankruptcy court . And as one papa toy company goes down, another starts up. Lafayette's (La.) Chris Hume begins his toys for boys (and girls) company with a top that draws.

So, the fathers and toys dreams live on. No word yet whether Sony has stolen the idea for an electronic version they can feed the blogging pops corps.

Sniff, Sniff

How do the little imps smell?

A recent study by French researchers reached the conclusion that dads treat better those children who look and smell more like them. They were in Senegal for the one study and will be issuing their results from a similar test of folks in France. And, for many reasons, being treated better is key, not least because if you smell better — and children, I'm talking to all of you — you might get a father-made mega toy made from toys, like those created by artist Robert Bradford. If, on the other hand you smell (and behave) poorly, you might end up doubley maced by your dad and with a 20-foot chain around you.

Long Gone with the Wind

Do good things, be at most a bit player in your kids' lives. Such is the cruel twist of fate for most dads, at lest as exemplified with this week's objet d'eBay, a Gerald O'Hara figurine.

O'Hara, of course, is the Irish-dandy turned confederate plantation owner of the little read (by dads) or rarely seen (by dads) chick-lit/pic masterpiece, "Gone with the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell. And he is also the charming gent responsible for the sunnier, less strident side of his well-remembered daughter Scarlett, who inherits the Tara plantation following his death-fall from the back of a horse.

Note to dad: you may start off as the king on the back of a horse, but, eventually, you'll get knocked off ...



In any case, the doll serves as a reminder of the average father's fate, while also raising the question of how and where little girls form their images of what dads do ... and the extent that their fathers should be worried.

Plastic Possibilities

Something about dad as a doll doesn't seem to work. That at least is the feeling that accompanies this week's objet d'eBay, Steve, the father of the mid-70s Mattel doll collection, the Sunshine Family.

Perhaps we're not ready to have dads as co-stars in doll land because it is too hard to explain all that they are and do in real life. We need one simple story for a doll to work. For example, Barbie gets to be a fabulous 50, after having a multitude of careers and adventures. The best known male doll, the GI Joe, may be "expanding the brand" into an electronic games and movies, but he still only does one thing: he fights and never fathers. What actually do fathers do in doll land?

Yes, they do whatever the kids who play with them imagine dads could do. But what really do kids imagine dads do other than go off to work? The measure of how far we are from the "stay-at-home-dad doll" is the telling sign of when dads will achieve true equality.

More Dirt. More Fun?

Lucky for this week's objet d'eBay, a toy Alfie who is part of the Thomas the Tank kids show, he will probably never have any little excavators. And while that's not the usual WD sentiment regarding fatherhood, it is foremost in thought as the story of Alfie Patten, dad at 13, has gotten infinitely sadder and more bizarre, which didn't seem possible at first glance. [Earlier: What's It All About, Alf]

Since it now seems there might be a good bit of money involved, some other lads are stepping up to claim that they fathered Alfie's now-alleged child with a 15-year-old mother. The sordidness of Alfie's bio has taken a turn southward as well, with the family of the young mom encouraging his overnight stays and a father who seems only to have settled down on top of to-be-mums (including young Alf's), never with them.

Naturally, if he gets kicked out of this tabloid tale — and he finds he has enjoyed his moments in the dirt — he can always cross the pond and claim a role as man of the family for the Suleman 14 [Earlier: Meddling in the Middle], since the octuplet-plus mom still hasn't made anyone an honest dad ... and, really, what would one more child be.

The familial mess of the boy/man, and the potential for things to get only ever stranger, does certainly add a shiny patina of irony to (the toy) Alfie's catch phrase of "...more dirt means more fun."

All Dolled Up

The clothes may be a bit formal for many on this particular occasion, but the plastic smile and hint of nervousness in the eyes of this week's objet d'eBay, a dolled up father to be, pretty much captures the mien of most men pacing on the cusp of a new offspring.

Although there is some overlap between expectant and under fire, so far dolls are staying in one father category or the other, thanks to two North Carolina-based moms who created hugahero dolls — sorry ladies, apparently only men go to war ... or at least get dolls to celebrate it — incorporating the father's face and voice.

But even as there are male dolls being created, the conventional wisdom is that future fathers won't play with them unless you call them "action figures," since dolls are for girls. Not that AF is a particularly useful name except for marketing purposes. As metal maniac Motorhead's Lemmy Kilmister said of the action figure created in his own image, if it's not anatomically correct, ".. then it's not going to get much action then, is it?"

Is or was the FOB doll anatomically correct? The picture gives no solid hint.

** Once they really were action figures, now, for most fathers, it's just an in their mind game. Alas. **