What's In a Name

Wear it loud and proud. That's our advice for the first son, the first "confirmed" son anyway, of Ol' Dirty Bastard. The iconic rapper — born Russell Tyrone Jones — from Wu-Tang Clan dropped his first son, Barson Unique Jones, 21 years ago. Now, while ODB is gone except for his sounds, YDB (Young Dirty Bastard) is laying down tracks and mixes with dad's old group.

Since one name (two names, really) is never enough, Young Dirty Bastard also performs under the moniker of The Boy Jones, who under no circumstances should be confused with Edward Jones, aka The Boy Jones, who broke into Buckingham Palace to cement a public Robin Hood sort of persona during England's Victorian age. It's just, sorta, a shoutout to rapper pops. "A slave name, but it is what it is ..."

Fabo Dado?

Rapper Fabolous is shooting a reality show that he says will show him "keeping it real" and (per twitter)"...tryin 2 balance that and being 'Fabolous'.. The show is based on da crazy, spontaneous, busy, traveling life of a entertainer & da loving, complicated, genuine journey of a new father."

It seems like a fairly ambitious agenda for a show. Is there any way he will be able to give his life as a new dad the perspective he offers in the his "Stay?" It seems unlikely, but maybe Fabolous will turn out to be a fabulous pop. Perhaps — if he can come across as sincere and determined and focused on his child on screen as via music — he'll even turn out to be a spectacular reality tv dad.

FFF Fathers

Celebrating Foul Language Friday we highlight two fathers in the news. First is Louis CK, the comedian who brought his life to the stage as a married guy (and father of two daughters) and has just been signed to take on life as a divorced father, his current relationship status, for a series on Fox to begin shooting in the late fall. It's pretty clear he loves his kids, but also somewhat evident why his comedy hasn't worked on network tv so far. His take on his daughters:



Also spitting out NSFW language (but with a fine backbeat) is rapper Lil' Wayne, who is now on his fourth kid while stuntin like his daddy — two in 2009 — with four different moms. The question to be answered is how many of them will be making him proud stuntin like their daddy (and real daddies, don't try this at home):

Fat Dad Daze

Join the fat dad daze here at the WC. It's just a theme, not a celebration. And it's not even fat, technically, when we take note of the fictive biopic, Notorious, a celluloid hagiography of Christopher Wallace — known rappishly both as Notorious B.I.G. and Biggie Smalls — where the son, CW Jr., plays the dad, whose own father abandoned him.

The fat in "fat daddy" doesn't have to be real. It can be a "training" tool such as the 30 lb. baby belly the South Lake Hospital straps to fathers-to-be. The idea is that giving fathers all the discomforts of motherhood with none of the benefits will make them better partners.

That plan might work for some, but one man who has many of the discomforts of mothers has been ruled as not fit for the benefits. The City Council of Leeds declared Damien Hall too fat to be allowed to adopt a child.

To sum up today's FDD: we have a real man turned on screen into fake fat dad, fake fat and a real desire denied thanks to real fat. What a world.

Fatherial Fantasies

From the fantasy corner of daddyuniverse comes the notion of "complete control." As in, a judge has granted Jamie Spears "indefinite [and complete] control" over daughter Britney's affairs. As if ....

There's also the powerplay of rapper Lil Wayne — odist of "Like Father Like Son" with its aggressively mellifluous warblings, repetitions and curses — who announces the birth of his second child, boy Dwayne Carter III, without press getting wind of the mum's ID. In glorious street bragadaccio he acts as if he needs no woman, not even to give birth to his child.

It is the sort of dream that no doubt occurs to many of the disenfranchised dads who are the target audience of the San Jose radio program, Fathers are Forever. The show, hosted by one divorced and one married father, takes calls, grill guests and promotes ideas that can be used by the XY chromosomed to be a large part of their childrens' lives.

And dads being integral to their kids lives even down to making lunches or setting up play dates, despite what so many seem to think, is not a fantasy nor intentionally a comedy. Although I guess we can't rule out the idea as inspiration for a big budget Sci-Fi father-son comedy by director Kevin Smith?

Mad Dad

All dads are conflicted — most just want to be kids but have to be adults — but few have do the fighting with themselves in public like Marshall Bruce Mathers III, AKA rapper Eminem. This week's Objet d'eBay is a 12" promotional vinyl single for the father-of-three's1999 song Role Model.

Like many of Eminem's works, the song can be heard as a mid-career (unless he really starts it all up again) near-curse of those who slavishly try to live their life according to the outlandishness of acts imagined in his lyrics, not being able to see beyond the caricatures he celebrates in rhyme. Once again (always), he seems to be caught between the dreams of his youth to escape the grind of no father hopelessness into celebrity and to escape the 24-hour job as celebrity to be father of three — one biological daughter and two girls "adopted" because of the inability of their mothers to give them a settled home.

While it's been nearly four years since he commanded the stage he does seem to be bringing his conflicts back to the public marketplace, releasing both some new sounds and a book in which he paints his angst, The Way I Am.

Bad Boys of Daddy Humor

The more pervasive and unfortunate strain of fatherly humor is the laughing at dad the dolt type of jokes that make up much of the oeuvre of Seth MacFarlane — he of Family Guy and American Dad — now unleashing in conjunction with Google, a "calvalcade of cartoon comedy:



Expect lots of dumb dads to work their way into the rotation.

Perhaps such excesses of dross make the funny, smart dad even more of a revelation and blessing. Kudos and relief therefore for the more subtle and funnier musings of such as Matt Mendelsohn, whose Father Knows Best brings the rare light touch of political satire to the wisdom of pols' pops.

Offering even greater surprise by finding humor in the nexus of rap and SAHD stories is the Jon Lajoie video celebration of the joys of raucous poop metal, "Stay at Home Dad:"



Laugh last. Laugh best.

Contextual Love

The main thing, of course, is the love of father for child. There is even evidence that a father's love is more important than the adorative feelings of the distaff parent.

But this isn't why fathers are better.

It's just a note that love alone — as wonderful as it is — may not be quite enough. Or, perhaps, sometimes, maybe, fathers should also consider the way in which they give their love in order to make it matter even more.

Just-brought-to-justice fugitive father Clark Rockefeller (or whoever he turns out to be) was considered by many a loving, stay-at-home-dad, there are other choices he should have made to stay close to daughter Snooks, aka Reigh Storrow Mills Boss [Rockefeller]. Taking the money ($1 million in alimony) and running (with his kid) will only result in losing more time with her.

Also, raising his child in a loving, if odd, environment is the red-eyed pop. Michiganer Steve Walsh has a two-year-old and unusual obsession, re-re-redecorating his face. It should be noted that however unusual his choices as a dad, he is prepared for the future. Asked what he would do when his son wanted to follow in his father's piercings (and silicone implants, tatooed eyeball, etc.) he said, it will be "...Awesome, I'm so looking forward to that day, but I don't think it's going to happen. I think he's going to rebel." So, his son will probably end up a disappointment, a Big Three (or possibly Four) accountant.

Oddly, neither ending up as an accountant nor as porn performer or rap star or suburban parent will be rebelling against daddy Luther Campbell. The one-time outraging rapper is now just another settled pop — if you don't hold the porn business empire building plans or unusual parenting arrangements against him. He coaches a neighborhood football team, he struggles with how and when to intervene is his teen's life and he wants his kids to still think he's cool. So he got a reality show, Luke's Parental Advisory.

Unfortuantely for Luther, you can't escape being a dad so while he would be making a much more favorable impression on his kids if his show were appearing on MTV, he is instead on the Ford Taurus (a "dad's car if there ever was one) of music stations, VH-1.

Love is always love, but context does matter.

Competition

In the current Essence, songhawk Usher unveils his son and offers some non-lyrical thoughts on being a father:

“I think I’m learning how selfish I really can be as an individual. Man, before you just get up and go everyday and you work people to oblivion —- and I do. But when you have a child, it’s like, ‘Wow! All of this time now goes towards making sure that one, he has the milk that he needs. He’s being burped properly. Diapers are being changed —- and Lord knows he has let me have it! I am changing diapers!”

Previously, he offered an apology for his dad — who died in January, but had walked out when Usher was two, with no reconciliation until about two years ago — among his lyrics to Anything.

Since, he, like many artists, overtly incorporates his world into his work, it shouldn't be too long before such an opinions on being a dad manifests itself into raps. Similarly, expect to hear from Aussie countryman Keith Urban soon about life with his young'un, Sunday Rose. He, too, fits chords to his life ... and previously hit gold with his (Song for) Dad:

Daddy's Enigmatic Supply Side Paradigm

It would be wonderful if the book of new daddy rules could specify either or both the right quantity and quality of time a father should spend with a child.

Perhaps The Wall Street Journal, which just published the "good news" that laid off Wall Streeters would get more quality time with their kiddies could evolve a supply side solution to the quality/quantity equation?

For too much time being a bad thing they might consider that Indiana's Paul Lester Norris Jr. should be spending much less time with his daughter, Kerri. Both have just been arraigned for jointly stalking her ex-husband ... and there was the chocolate milk in the gas tank, as well.

But quality time, too, is problematic. The father of rapper Wyclef Jean had faith he could bring his son from Haiti (where he left him as he escaped Papa Doc for Brooklyn's not-as-mean streets) and turn his face to the Lord's work — even if it leaves a memory that " "He didn't think twice about beating me up so badly I needed to be taken to hospital." Not enough quality time with son, but not a horrible denouement.

Now Jean, whose father nearly died six years ago, is faced with his daughter laughing at him and all because he is spending so much time with her in a pool. Is laughing at daddy a good thing?

** If dads were really evolving, surely the answers to these problems would be written down somewhere by now. **

Fathered a Child

If search engines are to be believed, nobody has ever "fathered a child" with the woman to whom he was married. Children fathered, seem always to be born out of wedlock — or at least the lock isn't around the man and woman who are father and mother.

In any case, Dinosaur rapper LL Cool J (whose own daddy-figures were remembered on "Father") recommends that any boys fathered in such a way, or who just find themselves in such a position, go get a father. No advice yet for Angel Iris or father Eddie, who reportedly won't see her because he was tricked into "fathering a child." [Earlier: "Back in the Day"]

** Murphy's Law. Not applicable. **

Claims and Aims

Where does a father turn when a judge rules he owes $1.5 million for claiming he was raped by the mother? In the case of rapper DMX he turns to his deity.

Obviously, the rapper born Earl Simmons, has not yet left his dogs behind to embrace fatherhood:

** Daddying is not for every man at any time in his life. **

A Bad Rap

Manaj, formally Tyra Young and probably forever best known as rap empresario Dr. Dre's older daughter, is either walking in dad's shoes or rebelling by wearing a similar outfit.

The 22-year-old celebstress cries out for buzz and cred with a public tantrum that daddy is cutting her off over "Daddy's Shadow," a CD and DVD on her quest to climb the stairway to stardom one rung at a time (albeit by starting closer to the top than the bottom).

The 42-year-old Dre (born André Romell Young, who also has a son Marcel with wife Nicole) is the genius behind artists such as Eminem and Snoop Dogg, as well as a founding visionary of West Coast Rap and a multimillion album-selling artist on his own. It is his business acumen that calls into question whether he is actually behind the public announcement of Manaj or whether she really doesn't want to be daddy's little girl no more.

Interviewed by filmmaker Matthew McDaniel on the set for the video for "Little Ghetto Boy" — cut from his 1992 debut solo album "The Chronic" — Dre explains why he left NWA to go solo but could also be explaining either why he is still pulling the strings in his daughters career or why she can't even trust pops with her career.

"Don’t trust no Mo**f**s," he responds to a request for advice to aspiring rap stars. "Cause everybody in the music industry is out to get you."

** Maybe the child thinks s/he rebels, but the wise dad knows its just a new generation of the SOS. **