Dad Swing the Hips, Daughter Don't!

Today's best advice for fathers is to talk about sex and dance with your daughters. No definitive position yet on whether to do the two simultaneously.

The value of a father dispensing the birds and bees blather comes courtesy of a recent bit of research that chicks on the cusp of their third decade believed they would have been more responsible (and made better boyfriend choices!) if they'd been able to discuss with their father at least a bit about the bumping of uglies.

And the value of dancing to connect with one's own little ladies is exemplified by the lasses who posted their dad as backup dancer in their remake of Justin Bieber's immortal "Baby" (as in Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Got You On My Mind — repeat endlessly)



All because what you want to avoid is BABY, BABY, BABY until the right time ... and you'll know the time is right when you're both ready (sort of a "blue pill" for the joint daddy-daughter soul).

Dancing Dads Demonized But Possibly Prized

They're mocking the man. The Jamaica Tourist Board noticed that "dad" and "bad" rhyme (and that, probably, there are some fathers whose groove is a bit rutted) and introduced their latest marketing campaign.

Totally Dad Dancing asks kids to compete for a family vacation by answering the questions, "Does your dad need some Jamaican dancing rehab?"



To enter, to mock a loving man (or for you dads just to try and cadge a free vacation through acting out on camera), upload videos before May 31, 2010. To see uncontrolled tremors defined as dance, the collection of videoed fathers flailing to music is available.

Dances with Schlock

Silly.

This week's objet d'eBay, a schlocky daddy-daughter dancing memento, arrives the same week as a ridiculous hypothesis that fathers deliberately (perhaps unconsciously) dance in an absurd manner. Mass retailer Hallmark is selling the schlock, a researcher/dancer/twitterer from Hertforshire is selling the theory that men don't cut but fold and manipulate the rug to show they are no longer of good breeding stock. It's a marriage made in parody heaven.

The Give and Take of Death

It's good to read that fathers' deaths make a difference in the lives of their children. It is a mite disheartening sometimes to read how that happens.

For example, Kentuckian Denton Cooper managed in death to saddle his daughters with a step-mom they didn't know much about while he was living. Now they say she married him while he was in a coma on the edge of his demise. A lawsuit has been filed, but as of now, the girls have almost half a year to get their thoughts together about purchasing next year's Mother's Day presents.

Unfortunately, his father's death didn't give Yorkie Sean Watson, 5, anything. It even took away a school treat. It seems The Ryecroft Primary School has a disco extravaganza for kids with perfect attendance, but Watson's absence due to the family's grieving for his father disqualified him from strutting his inner Travolta.

Such is the give and take of a father's death. It seems usually to change his childens' world, but rarely for the better.

Not Just Dancing

Dances to dads take various forms, some more fathomable than others.

Various father-daughter dances are scheduled for the next few weekends (pre-Valentines Day, but in possible conflict with the Super Bowl) to try and bridge the usually unbridgeable chasm between what a dad knows and what his teen or pre-teen thinks he should.

Then there is the choreographed movement of Welshman Marc Rees and two friends which will be performed as a tribute to their fathers. For Rees, his father's passing from cancer at 78, left him with memories and the seed of gratitude for who he became, that evolved into "3 Men Running,". Says Rees, "We were very close. My father was a very quiet man but I would ask him to do crazy things, such as be filmed for my work, and although he sometimes didn’t understand what it was about, he would do it. He was incredibly devoted."

Finally, there is the bizarre dance of life/death (?) fromRobert Farley, 63, who on New Year's Eve grooved to The Temptations' "Papa Was a Rollin Stone" after having killed his 93 year old dad. Reportedly, his dad disapproved of him dumping his terminally ill wife.

Don Shak Tha Groove Thang

Lufkin, Texas, police arrested Andrew Darnell Dodd last year for shaking his thing as he ran naked down the street while carrying his son, 1. But they didn't keep him — and he's just been snatched up again for letting his son get into his PCP.

Such is the danger when dads are allowed to move freely ... at least in terms of what children fear. There may be times when dads are tutu cute, as when they join their daughters in the Vermont Nutcracker. But that's not usually the case.



The fact is, just as in the case of the Bush twins, kids usually just want to get dad home and out of public so people stop laughing at him.

It's the rare dad who should shake it.



And, unfortunately, this one's no sugar plum fairy.

Father Son Spotlight Dance

What eruptions in the human paradigm could possibly take place if there were father-son dances like those for daddies and daughters?

Suppose we said it was just for bonding (which it surely would be) or to encourage ballroom dancing — would wives and girlfriends be encouraging then? What if both the father and son's sexual orientation was clear and usually male desirous?

Presumably none of those things were in mind when Luther Vandross and Richard Marx began work on the song "Dance with my Father," the CD's promotional poster for which is this week's Objet d'eBay. Still, it is a song often chosen by brides for their spotlighted dance with the ceremony's FOB. (Anyone out there know if it has been part of a wedding or civil ceremony between two men?) And it is pretty clear from its use on YouTube that a bunch of men are sincerely moved by the idea of one more dance:



Mop up the tears and bid.

** Dancing. Crying. What is becoming of fathers? **

Daddy-Daughter (never dirty) Dancing

Could the daddy-daughter dance actually be an event without any father-son (or even any other daddy-daughter) parallel? We're not talking about the gay dad-professional dancer daughter team on Your Mama Don't Dance [12th paragraph] — that's a whole other and interesting discussion.

No, this is just about the femme tween celebration — usually in the service of some charity — of fathers and their daughters dressing to the nines, shuffling feet and getting in some early practice for the wedding dance. Maybe the bond could be likened to that of father-son hunting trips? Or, maybe not.

In any case, it is a very different synergy created between father and child from others, whether it is a father coaching his softball star daughter or powerlifting with his son. With the DDD there's likely a unique bond being built, memories of something special that will remain forever. But can anyone define what makes it more specialer?

** Perhaps there's the oddity of dance usually being more a part of the mating ritual rather than a family activity that gives the dad-daughter dance its asexual frisson? **

The Big Dance

Do daddy's girls really "save" themselves for someone special? Do fathers really give away their daughters? And can a dad-daughter prom, as the Arizona Daily Star announces, "help drive home message about abstinence"?

The questions arise as it's time for Tucson's fourth annual Purity Ball — and, no,"ball" is not being used ironically — a father-daughter outing that the local Baptist ministry expects to encourage religious-inspired abstinence (part of the ceremony involves a white rose laid on a cross).

Dads serving in their daughters' lives as guide and inspiration is praiseworthy. But there is also something a little strained, if not icky at the level of involvement of dads in their daughters sex lives suggested by the self-proclaimed 24-year-old unmarried virgin who seems to revel in date nights with dad, seemingly unbalanced by a relationship with a single male closer to her age.

** Isn't the goal to teach your children the best you can (deciding for them less and less as they age) and then worry? **